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This is desperate talk from HIV-positive men: "Why can't I find a boyfriend?

Every guy I talk to on Grindr stops talking to me once I disclose my HIV status." "I don't know what happened.

Growing evidence suggests that as HIV medicines become more efficacious, HIV-positive individuals taking antiretroviral medications are significantly less likely to transmit the virus to a sexual partner than someone not taking medication.

He will be happy that you feel comfortable talking about it with him and, more than likely, will be able to allay any worry you may have. Don’t assume that you are the only one who is afraid.

What will hurt his feelings is if you make assumptions and don’t give him the benefit of the doubt. Just because he was upfront and honest with you about his status, doesn’t mean he is a pro at dating while HIV-positive.

He may have just as many fears or concerns as you do. If he respected you enough to tell about his status you right away, respect him enough to keep his status to yourself.

Don’t just assume that if you are comfortable with something, whether is a sexual or social situation or somewhere in between, that he is too. Talk to your friends about how he makes you feel or how good the kisses are.

I sometimes think about him and hope he’s doing okay.

After he told me his status that night, I said: “Sure, we’ll just use condoms.” The next day I lay curled up on my bed, trying to slow down my thoughts.

How high are my chances of contracting it if we are careful?

Dear Reader, There is no way for a sexually active person to be 100 percent certain that s/he is protected from HIV infection or any other sexually transmitted infection (STI).

The first time I knowingly slept with someone with HIV I was 23.

The boy was 20 and he told me drunk on the night bus home.

Risk is reduced even further when the following qualifications are met: Risk of transmission varies with viral load, which is entirely unique to each individual.

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